A Guest Post by Peter Davey

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Being assertive can earn you respect, but few leaders know how and when to draw the line between being assertive and being aggressive. High level managers are generally very assertive. However, the potential consequences of over-using their positions of power and authority in  order to belittle, intimidate, or control those beneath them, can be devastating to the business.

Employees will begin to resent such managers, productivity will eventually begin to fall, and if the dictatorial behaviour is sustained, it will not be long before the organisation begins  experiencing high attrition levels.

To avoid this problem, it is important to understand the difference between being assertive and being an autocrat. Some managers avoid dictatorial behaviour altogether in favour of being
passive; however, this behaviour can be just as bad.

The problem with passive managers is that employees often won’t know or understand what is expected of them, and as a result, they will often take the manager for granted. In some cases, certain employees may even violate company rules and procedures, because they feel the passive manager will let them get away with it.

An assertive manager is able to maintain a balance between these two extremes. If you are passive or dictatorial, your behaviour will have a negative impact on your career at some point sooner or later. An assertive manager can lead their employees without having to use a firm hand, or raise their voice.

There are those managers who do not understand the difference between assertiveness and aggression, so they choose to be passive. But there is a critical difference between the two.

Passiveness, Aggressiveness, and Assertiveness

An aggressive manager tends to be quick tempered. They will usually bang their fists on the desk when an employee does something wrong, and they have no problem raising their voice or shouting at their employees in order to get things done.

The aggressive manager will generally treat employees like children. The problem with this form of behaviour is that employees are adults, and when you treat adults like children, they tend to harbour a great deal of resentment. The aggressive manager is also quick to criticise the work of employees. If they see something wrong with the work of an employee, they will be quick to focus on the negative aspects of it, rather than any positive aspects.

In complete contrast, a passive manager is someone who is easy to ‘walk over’. This is because this type of manager does not take things seriously; and as a consequence, the employees will not take things seriously. The result of this type of behaviour is that certain employees will do what they want despite the company’s rules and regulations.

The primary reason for this is because the passive manager will not bother to enforce the rules. Passive managers will typically avoid doing anything with employees that might cause conflict, as they do not want to disrupt team harmony or productivity.

There is a certain irony about this view as you will generally find those who try to avoid conflict the most are the very same individuals who are most likely to run into it.

The Assertive Manager

The assertive manager is not aggressive; they make everyone understand that their rules must be followed. On occasion it might be necessary to take some kind of disciplinary action against an employee; the assertive manager will keep their own emotions under control, and when reprimanding the employee, they will make it clear why they are in trouble.

Becoming assertive is an art, and it can be difficult for both those who are highly aggressive, and those who are very passive. It requires one to find a balance between these two extremes. Being assertive is a critical skill that as a manager you must master, as it will mean the difference between having a long and rewarding career in the management matrix, and a short and ineffective one.

Think about the following assertiveness tips and ask yourself how many of these do you practice every day.

1. Tell people what you need and let them do the same.
2. Be specific about what you want to happen.
3. Don’t get attached to only one outcome (yours).
4. Try not to crush or minimise other people’s perspectives.
5. Invite people to comment on how your needs affect them.
6. Always remain calm when asking for what you need.
7. Allow other people the same amount of time to describe their needs.
8. Tell people what you need early in the conversation rather than after the fact.
9. Allow others to assert themselves.
10. Be prepared to compromise on your needs and meet people halfway.

About the Author

Peter Davey is a Senior Trainer at t2 Management Training, a UK-based management training provider and consultancy, offering tailored training and coaching to all managers, from team leader to CEO level.